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You can tune the lawn mower.Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust fordirections: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tunebagpipe player, or Santa Claus? A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate youhave been hallucinating.Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe? A. Add vibrato.Q. What’s the definition of a gentleman? A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn’t.Q. What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road anddead bagpiper in the road? A. Skid marks in front of the snake.Q. What’s the difference between a dead bagpiper in the roadand a dead country singer in the road? A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recordingsession.Q. What’s the range of a bagpipe? A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning? A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune? A. Someone is blowing into it.If you took all the bagpipers in the world and. ’ I began to relax as the run progressed. Her voice had an intoxicating quality that evoked my trust. She occasionally took the lead and I would admire her strong, fluid body. Veronica continued, ‘We will need to work on your core and also you need to lose about ten, maybe fifteen pounds.’ My belly flab came to mind and I winced. ‘No big deal,’ she said. ‘I always do nutritional counseling with my clients as well as work-outs plans. I’ll let you try one of my delicious smoothies when we get back.’ It was a very relaxing six-mile run and the conversation seemed to match. ‘Have you ever used any mental meditation and visualization exercises to prepare for a race?’ I had heard of elite athlete’s using them but had never tried them myself. ‘It’s sort of like self-hypnosis. You clear your mind and visualize yourself accomplishing your goal.’ ‘It sounds intriguing,’ I said. ‘As a pastor, you would probably catch on right away. I have a CD at home that can help you. It will only take.
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